Update: Time is Made Up

I have always felt better starting at the beginning. I have this idea, drilled into me by the protestant work ethic of my forebearers, that I should start whatever I am doing on the first of a new year, a new month, a new week or a new hour, and continue at a steady rate until it was finished. If I fell behind or missed a day, I’d have to stop and wait for a new year, a new month, a new week to start again at the beginning.

It’s not a great way to finish projects. Or to keep up with a blog/website.

Like most of the country, I’ve been under semi-lockdown for months. Suddenly, all I seemed to have was time. My creative pursuits are limited only by what I have available in my apartment and my imagination. I learned quickly that a global pandemic and state brutality are incredibly hard on an imagination. Days run into each other. All of my great plans fell by the wayside.

I want to say that I’ve found a way to work within my new reality but it’s too soon to tell. At the moment, I can’t consider my life much more than a week in advance. So much has changed so quickly, future plans seem ridiculous.

So where does that leave me? Here and now. I can’t wait for Monday to roll around. Can’t put off my goals until the first of the month. Who knows what will happen between now and January First?

The only question I need to ask is what can I do now? What, at this moment, feels like necessary work? I can’t say whether the work I do now will eventually yield positive results. None of us ever could. That knowledge is both terrifying and liberating.

I’m struggling not to apologize for not updating sooner. I’ve been working, and not working, on various projects that are important and unimportant to me. I’ll continue that journey, whether it involves regular updates or not.

Stay safe. Maybe I’ll talk to you soon.

Happy National Writing Day!

Happy National Writing Day, according to the dark cabal of Twitter Hashtags!

Writing is both my favorite and least favorite activity. It’s saved my life multiple times and inspired countless suicidal thoughts. I’ve devoted most of my life to perfecting this craft. Someday I’d like to be paid for it.

I decided to be a writer in second grade. My motives weren’t based on any deep artistic inclination. It was 1997, and I heard somewhere that JK Rowling had more money than the Queen of England. More money than the Queen of England felt like a good starting paycheck, so I started writing.

Then I kept writing.

And kept writing.

And kept writing which brings us to today. I have significantly less money than the Queen of England. I’ve made peace with not being J.K Rowling. I’m still writing and, somewhere along the lines, I found artistic inclination. The revelation that I would keep writing no matter what else happened surprised me, but it’s true. Even if I never make another dime, I will keep writing.

Please don’t misinterpret the previous statement. I still want to be paid. Artistic inclination is a poor substitute for food, rent, and healthcare.

So how do you keep writing? That question is not rhetorical. I love hearing about everyone’s process. I love specific advice to ignore or embrace. A process is a method and conditions creators use to create. They evolve and change over time. If you don’t think you have a process, you probably have many. I have at least two, depending on what I need to accomplish.

My day starts at 6:30. My phone alarm goes off at 6:30. I turn it off and go back to bed. If I remember to charge my phone in the kitchen, I have to physically rise to turn it off. Then I can feed my cat. If I fell asleep with my phone by my bed, I turn it off without getting up, and Sherbert bites my feet. I recommend getting an alarm clock that bites you.

By 7 or 7:30, I am awake enough to make coffee. Then I go back to bed, or I get dressed. After I am dressed, I take my medication, or I go back to bed. My bed may as well be a magnet. Eventually, I go to my job if I don’t go back to bed.

I pay the bills with pet sitting. Dogs and cats don’t require a lot of mental focus. If I don’t have any extra duties, I go home after about an hour. When the job is over, the work begins.

First, I clear my mind by cleaning the apartment for a half hour. I clean the same four areas every day: my desk, my bed, the cat box, and the dishes from the night before. These tasks don’t always take thirty minutes, but I always find something else to do. Focusing on menial labor allows me to free my mind of distraction before I write. Finishing these tasks gives me a feeling of accomplishment that creativity seldom affords.

After I finish cleaning, I write. My daily minimum is 250 words, though I usually write more. When I was younger, I could write thousands of words in one sitting. However, those sittings were few and far between. Now I focus on consistency rather than breaking records.

I usually have three to five projects going on at once. I write essays for this blog, prose for publication, scripts to be performed, and new comedic material. I try not to write on any given subject for more than a half hour at a time. After forty-five minutes, I become sluggish. I get into my own head about editing or originality or money or any number of distractions. When that happens, I close my computer and do something else. When I’ve done something else for thirty minutes, I return to writing, and the cycle starts again.

Something else encompasses the entire rest of the universe. On bad days, I fall into the vortex of the internet and lose hours of creative time. To avoid that sticky spider web, I go off screen.  I count creative activities, like writing longhand, drawing or painting, and reading books for research or inspiration as time spent working. Exercise, eating, cleaning, playing with my cat, or taking a nap are necessary for my physical and mental health. Physical and mental health is required for writing.

Incorporating health into my creative routine is the hardest lesson to learn. Yes, I can ignore my aching back, grumbling stomach and drooping eyes to finish a project on time, but it’s not sustainable. We have a vision of the starving artist, squinting in candlelight with blisters on his fingers, breath visible in his thatched hovel. Reject it. Suffering can lead to art, but life will provide plenty without your input. You do not have to sacrifice health and comfort for creativity. I write much better with my anti-depressants, sugar loaded coffee, and my cat at my feet at the desk I love than I would in a cardboard box with only a bottle of cheap whiskey and negative self-talk for company. Life is necessary for art. Make caring for your body and mind a part of your routine, regardless of your creative inclinations.

I can keep the write/something else cycle up for most of the morning. Once I accomplish my word count, I am free to seek out other diversions. I may pick up some extra jobs, go to the library and research, or socialize. I seek out new opportunities and complete the mundane tasks of promotion and budgeting. I keep writing. Writing is fun. It can frustrate or depress at times, but most of it is fun. I couldn’t have kept writing for so long if it wasn’t mostly fun. My process keeps the work fun for longer and helps me navigate everything else.

Enjoy your work, your creativity, and your life. Find your own process.

If you enjoyed reading about my writing process, you should check out Daily Rituals: How Artists Work by Mason Currey, a book detailing the creative process of such figures as Georgia O’Keefe, Leo Tolstoy, and dozens more. Also, How Do You Write, a fantastic podcast where author Rachael Herron interviews other authors about their process has become a part of my process! I listen to the show while I clean in the morning!

Thomas Anonymous: Weirdly Queer

tomanon

It’s bucket list time! I’ve made it onto a Podcast that I actually listen to! Thomas Anonymous is a fantastic memoir of a gay man embracing his true  self in a world of stringent homophobia and toxic masculinity! Hosted by my friend and wonderful person, Tommy Natoli, Thomas Anonymous is a hilarious and sometimes poignant perspective on sex,  growing up, gender roles, the weirdly queer moments of our lives!

And I’m on this week’s episode! It’s called Weirdly Queer and it is not safe for work! Tommy discuss every virginity I’ve lost, bisexual icons, Jeffrey Dahlmer, and the joys of giving and receiving cunnilingus. We  actually split it up into two parts so subscribe and  listen to the other chapters while you’re waiting to hear me say “like” a thousand more times.

Thomas Anonymous on Podbean, Apple, and Stitcher!