I have always felt better starting at the beginning. I have this idea, drilled into me by the protestant work ethic of my forebearers, that I should start whatever I am doing on the first of a new year, a new month, a new week or a new hour, and continue at a steady rate until it was finished. If I fell behind or missed a day, I’d have to stop and wait for a new year, a new month, a new week to start again at the beginning.
It’s not a great way to finish projects. Or to keep up with a blog/website.
Like most of the country, I’ve been under semi-lockdown for months. Suddenly, all I seemed to have was time. My creative pursuits are limited only by what I have available in my apartment and my imagination. I learned quickly that a global pandemic and state brutality are incredibly hard on an imagination. Days run into each other. All of my great plans fell by the wayside.
I want to say that I’ve found a way to work within my new reality but it’s too soon to tell. At the moment, I can’t consider my life much more than a week in advance. So much has changed so quickly, future plans seem ridiculous.
So where does that leave me? Here and now. I can’t wait for Monday to roll around. Can’t put off my goals until the first of the month. Who knows what will happen between now and January First?
The only question I need to ask is what can I do now? What, at this moment, feels like necessary work? I can’t say whether the work I do now will eventually yield positive results. None of us ever could. That knowledge is both terrifying and liberating.
I’m struggling not to apologize for not updating sooner. I’ve been working, and not working, on various projects that are important and unimportant to me. I’ll continue that journey, whether it involves regular updates or not.
Stay safe. Maybe I’ll talk to you soon.